Why Parliament Has Nothing on Red Lobster
While waiting for a restaurant table, I always loved holding the vibrating coaster. Compact, with a hard-to-miss signal, and surprisingly reassuring, the vibrating coaster told me that I could leave the over-crowded lobby without fear of losing my spot in the queue to some other hungry person pretending to be Mr. Levy. The problem with the coaster was its limited range - strategically programmed to allow me to make it to the restaurant’s bar but not the more fun one across the street.
Thankfully, the architects of the British Parliament house solved this problem long ago with the division bell. When a vote is called in Parliament, the division bell rings to give members 8 minutes to return to the halls. The best part - local pubs and restaurants have division bells wired in too. Apparently not every MP (member of Parliament) likes listening to Alastair Darling speak in to the wee hours of the morning while waiting in the chamber. Much like how the TiVo freed us from commercials, the distributed division bell freed MPs from a slow night of speeches.
Common questions that I cannot answer:
- Why not just text each of the MPs instead of using the bell?
- Does a restaurant have to pay yearly fees to have a bell?
- What do other patrons in the pub receive when the bell tolls (besides a now-free seat)? I think a “blue light special” is in order.
- Why have we not created a reality TV show about a politician yet? I want to see the division bell ring at 22:00 one night while Man Utd is desperately trying to hold a one goal lead in a Champions League match and the MP from that area is 10 pints deep, hitting on two 18 year old American tourists who are toasting the drinking age, also needs to use to loo, and just realized that was the division bell and not the referee’s whistle which means he now has 7 minutes and 55 seconds to get back for a vote. It would be better than an episode of 24… tick … tick … tick.
Personally, I’d just let them vote by cell phone. Amerian Idol already proved that works… but it would completely ruin my TV show.
